Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I Am A Porn Star

It's true. I just found out yesterday. Spot was with me, and I didn't even have to take my clothes off. All I had to do was pick up this lovely little book that I'd like to share with other at-home dads, who may already be porn stars without even knowing it.


(All you Bay Area folks may already have checked this out, as it's published by Chronicle Press in San Francisco. Those may even be your kids in the pictures. Curiously, amazon.com lists it under "parenting" rather than pornography.)

So I was being pornographic, in public, without quite knowing it, lugging the Spot around in his backpack, when I decided to duck into a local independent bookstore to pick up some short stories by a guy who is supposed to be the next F. Scott Fitzgerald.



Of course I quickly forgot all about that -- as I sometimes also forget that I am but a palace eunuch whose current task is to transport the Emperor along his morning rounds -- when I notice this title at the cashier's desk and start flipping through it.

"This is hilarious," I tell the 20-something blond behind the cash register.

"You're the embodiment of that," she said.

"Whoa," I thought. She just called me the embodiment of mommy porn. This is a good day.



Her comment reminds me that Spot is still dangling there. I turn my head around. "Spot, did you hear that? She just said daddy's a porn star!"

"Bah!"

I didn't really say that, but thought that since he is part of the whole effect, he might want to bask in some of the glory.




I could get into all sorts of semiotic and cultural analyses about what's going on in this witty piece of cultural candy, but I'll spare you my nonsense and just wrap up with a pic that didn't make it into the original collection, but should probably go into the second volume.



The great thing about porn for moms is that you can keep your clothes on. This pic is from February, and Spot looks like whatever was in his shorts just froze, but you get the idea. I'm sure at home dads across the country have loads of pics just like this. You're all porn stars, each and every one.

Speaking of which, Spot's starting to wake up from his afternoon nap. Gotta go be the hottness.

5 comments:

Backpacking Dad said...

I've seen that one around before. There's also a "Porn for Women" that's pictures of guys doing housework.

Dude! What does your backpack look like when it's fighting the Decepticons? :}

I'm sure I'll get a frame pack eventually, but I'm going to put it off as long as possible.

Max said...

I guess all single dads are porn stars, then. Maybe I should get an agent. :-)

Rob at Kintropy said...

I'll pick up for my wife. I'm sure she'll be amused and begin assembling her wish list for me....

r@d@r said...

i guess that makes me ron jeremy...

i'm just glad nobody looks at my gorgeous, brilliant daughter and says "so who's the father?"

chicago pop said...

BPD: this backpack can dock to the stroller and do a vertical ascent to 5,000ft in 60 seconds, then unload 10,000 rounds of gamma bombs on all my enemies. Awesome. Stay back.

Seriously, though, is backpack-talk something that we dads have to ourselves? The equivalent of moms debating which is the best breast pump?

Single dads? XXX-hotness.