tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post7283347742519118372..comments2023-11-02T09:08:09.242-07:00Comments on <i>Daddy Dialectic</i>: Can Same-Sex Marriage Save Straight Marriage from Itself?Jeremy Adam Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-12622939098267431132011-01-31T17:07:45.269-08:002011-01-31T17:07:45.269-08:00I was in school during forced busing, the Viet Nam...I was in school during forced busing, the Viet Nam War, and the beginning of the Hippies and I was just a long-haired country boy. Not many got away with calling me any name much less a fagot. Yet I was called "honkie", redneck (which I didn't mind at all), and "baby-killer" because I believed in the US efforts in the war. And usually when I got mad at being called "honkie", "whitey", or any of the other names that blacks called white people, including fagot, I was always against the wall with 3 or more trying to jam me. ( I usually won because I had 2 older brothers who taught me well and one was in Nam at the time & the other in the Army.) Needless to say I don't believe in same-sex marriage and I consider it a form of child abuse when they go ahead and have children. For then they get beat up on 2 or more ideals and the beating could become much worse. (And it has.)<br /> The child of these marriages or relationships are not given a choice are will be subjected to much ridicule regardless of what they look like. How unfair that really is. I myself would not go to a same-sex union of any type yet would still say to each their own. But just the same legalizing this type of union only adds to the breakdown of the institution of marriages in this country and the confusion to the children as they grow up in it or around it. The boundaries that are broken down are not all necessarily good ones. Yet no one is really thinking of the children and I find that really selfish.<br /> I happen to be a single custodial father and have gone threw both my children being bullied by blacks for no more than the reason that they are white. There to my son was called a fag along with everything else. Once again there was more than one or two against him and her. Once again I went to school to try and settle it without any violence. Once again I gave my son more martial arts training that I had learned when I was young. And if you haven't guessed we live in the South. And in my state Gay marriage as well as being open about it is illegal. And though I am of no religious affiliation at all I find the gay lifestyle has more detractors than it is worth.<br /> The one last observation I have is that it is worse on a child if his or hers gay parents are men than it is if they are lesbian. The reasons are numerous, but people are more accepting to that at PTA meetings I have seen. Either way the child sometimes pays the price of the parents choices.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-35525395751626757722010-08-18T12:57:31.898-07:002010-08-18T12:57:31.898-07:00Thanks for all that, Chicago Pop. Yeah, too bad we...Thanks for all that, Chicago Pop. Yeah, too bad we didn't go to the same school...when I look back on my time in Saginaw and compare it to the life and times of junior high schoolers I know in San Francisco, I realize that I was just a flat-out fish out of water. Had I lived in a more complicated environment with more varieties of people, I might have had allies and perhaps thrived just a bit more. But who knows? Because I never returned to Saginaw after leaving it at 15, it remains fixed in my mind as a series of tableaus from which I draw these tidy little lessons. If compared to other people's memories, they'd doubtless be totally transformed, and perhaps I've drawn the wrong lessons.Jeremy Adam Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-69457397322274665222010-08-17T13:05:18.420-07:002010-08-17T13:05:18.420-07:00Wow. This one left me kind of reeling.
Thoughts: ...Wow. This one left me kind of reeling.<br /><br />Thoughts: <i>I feared—it sounds ridiculous to admit—that if I initiated a real conversation, they’d think I was hitting on them. </i><br /><br />See, you DO know what I'm talking about! <br /><br /><i>It’s like a strapping, corn-fed freight train, roaring wholesomely past the amber waves of grain and purple mountain majesties on its way to the coastal American Sodoms. It’s Iowa that is delivering same-sex marriage to San Francisco and New York, not the other way around.</i><br /><br />That's just funky-brilliant. I just love it, not quite sure why. Maybe because I'm reading Sinclair Lewis right now who, though he certainly didn't touch this particular issue, had lots to say about the American Midwest, and would occasionally throw out these kinds of images. I've always wondered how one might write about the Midwest, how one might possibly draw any interest or relevance out of it. And here you go and do it.<br /><br />While I was reading this I thought, Jeremy was the kid sitting about halfway across the room from me in study hall, in a nearby row in the band (I was in the brass section). Different life stories, but shared milieu, and now we're talking about a lot of the same things. Interesting.<br /><br />And oh, Michelle Gase! Thanks for sharing your "Napoleon Dynamite Moment." We all have one. :)chicago pophttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17055796523227869734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-13666917686397326782010-08-16T12:41:12.168-07:002010-08-16T12:41:12.168-07:00The debate centering on "childhood being at s...The debate centering on "childhood being at stake" made me think... I hope more children of same sex parents can speak out to prove that they are just as loved and cared for as children of straight couples, married or divorced. As someone who works in schools in the Bay Area, I've gotten to know many same sex couples and their kids- those are some of the healthiest, happiest kids. And many are adopted, not biologically related to either parent, meaning the parents no doubt worked very hard to go through a process to adopt their kids. When I hear conservative arguments that gay marriage is destructive to the family, I can't imagine how that could even be remotely true when I think about the families I know.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-36969933045354123782010-08-14T13:49:11.871-07:002010-08-14T13:49:11.871-07:00Great article, Jeremy. I commented on the version...Great article, Jeremy. I commented on the version you published in SF Gate, to the effect that probably the most moving wedding I have been to was a same-sex one, complete with testimony from an 80-year-old friend about how much had changed since the days when he and his partner were rousted out of their bed in their apartment and taken to jail for being gay. The hurdles the marrying couple had overcome, and the ones they still faced, made the ceremony seem more meaningful than traditional ones I have attended, where the vibe is usually, "yeah, we decided to get married--you know, just 'cause that's what people do."<br /><br />I like the addition in this version of your difficult lessons about how boys are expected to act. I was also called "faggot" a lot, and was punched in the face, because I was the only male punk rocker in my school of 4500 kids in the early 80s. No grown-ups defended me, because they too thought I was a "druggie" and a "faggot." It's interesting that symptoms as disparate as flute-playing and punk rock get the same diagnosis: fag.<br /><br />I learned a slightly different lesson than you did though--act tough (it helped that I grew a lot between 9th and 10th grade, and changed schools), and participate in the persecution of those who seem weaker. Somehow I managed to pull this off without throwing a punch. I did however, casually and frequently hurl the epithet "faggot."Beta Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13848551175803773006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-44929223857158212032010-08-12T21:57:24.293-07:002010-08-12T21:57:24.293-07:00This is a very moving post--thank you for your tho...This is a very moving post--thank you for your thoughts. I too have had much ambivalence about marriage--and it's myriad symbolism/reality--it's idealization and challenges--its limitations and profound significance. I too came of age in the late sixties/early seventies--and feminism's rise greatly influenced my thoughts on this very complex, always evolving institution. I love reading thought provoking comments about people's experiences and perceptions about marriage. I also find the issues surrounding divorce--especially the rising tide of divorces after very long term marriages a fascinating trend. Anyway, thank you for sharing.Hollynoreply@blogger.com