tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post2430258333744854632..comments2023-11-02T09:08:09.242-07:00Comments on <i>Daddy Dialectic</i>: Nick Clegg is rightJeremy Adam Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-8504036808510348422009-04-29T06:37:00.000-07:002009-04-29T06:37:00.000-07:00My husband retired from the Marine Corps after 22 ...My husband retired from the Marine Corps after 22 years of service. He was unable to find a job in his chosen field for quite some time but lucky for us - he had a good part time / PRN job.<br /><br />He'll be starting the job that he really wants in a few weeks and, honestly, I'm not looking forward to it. It's been awesome having him be a semi stay-at-home dad. He has had time to repaint, re-organize, and do a million other things around the house...He makes the greatest meals....All while I am @ work.<br /><br />From what I read and hear, my husband is the exception rather than the rule..so I understand where Amy is coming from. Many unemployed or underemployed men are shiftless leisure lumps and some become hostile with their families because they have not been able to reframe thier minds and reallign their sense of personhood to fit the current economic climate. <br /><br />My husband & I have an egalitarian marriage and we adhere to very few gender based roles / division of labor in our relationship or with child rearing. We are Black, so that may not be a surprise...There is data which indicates "Black" marriages are more likely to abandon typical gender based division of labor. Where the data doesn't apply to us is this: We don't care what other people think and we do not let it stress us out. We do what works for us & we also act / role play in front of other people when it benfits us to do so. Insidious but fun.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13013636715822230411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-59766858531447034242009-02-27T16:02:00.000-08:002009-02-27T16:02:00.000-08:00My brother was laid off this week. Instead of look...My brother was laid off this week. Instead of looking for a new job right away, he's decided to take unemployment and stay home with his daughter (currently 8 months). He's looking at this as a blessing in disguise...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-88366182519267631772009-02-26T13:56:00.000-08:002009-02-26T13:56:00.000-08:00I agree; that's a good way of putting it. For over...I agree; that's a good way of putting it. For over two years now (half his life) my son has also seen Dad as someone who goes to work--or, to be more precise, drops him off at preschool and then goes to work. Part of what prompted this piece (...he casually reveals...) is that I may well be laid off this summer, and I've been contemplating how to best negotiate that on a personal level, and of course I've been relating it to the research I did for the book, and my past experience as primary caregiver. I really and truly believe that it's better for guys, mothers, and children if the father can envision himself taking on different roles, and it's really good when everybody else in the family can envision that as well. Because then, of course, the dad doesn't become worthless to his family if he loses the job; he has something else he can bring to the table. That's the way it should be.<BR/><BR/>To Amy: That's what's really important here, and that's what we're talking about. It's about what it means to be a good partner and parent, and what kind of role models we want to be, and that can help or hurt us to survive economic calamity. I realize that not all guys step up or make healthy transitions, but that's all the more reason to highlight the positive roles that guys can play. It's just petty and unhelpful to paint all unemployed men as if they're shiftless.Jeremy Adam Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-30058645487155897992009-02-26T12:47:00.000-08:002009-02-26T12:47:00.000-08:00I'm pretty sure that my boys see Dad as someone wh...I'm pretty sure that my boys see Dad as someone who goes to work. I talk to them about my work and share my pride in it with them.<BR/><BR/>Makes me wonder what they would think of me without a job (knock on wood!). "Caregiving" could be an opportunity to show leadership for the boys and model what being a man is like. <BR/><BR/>Being a man is not about what hand you're dealt, but about how you play the hand.Hunter Cuttinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11375491500024490502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-17716144783152507422009-02-25T19:51:00.000-08:002009-02-25T19:51:00.000-08:00You read an article, huh?Did you read one word tha...You read an article, huh?<BR/><BR/>Did you read one word that Jeremy wrote?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-12741754732646220922009-02-25T17:05:00.000-08:002009-02-25T17:05:00.000-08:00I read an article recently that said that when men...I read an article recently that said that when men are unemployed, they spend more time watching TV and on leisure, with very little increase in time spent with children or on housework. Call me cynical, but I am utterly unsurprised! --AmyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com