tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post115412738700119183..comments2023-11-02T09:08:09.242-07:00Comments on <i>Daddy Dialectic</i>: 20th vs. 21st Century FeminismJeremy Adam Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-1155144769719096172006-08-09T10:32:00.000-07:002006-08-09T10:32:00.000-07:00Gathara: Right on. Becoming a stay-at-home parent ...Gathara: Right on. Becoming a stay-at-home parent dramatically changed the way I viewed "the 'advantages' men enjoyed and women were denied" -- I came to see staying at home as a privelege and a gift rather than a trap. Of course, anything is a trap if you're forced to do it, through indirect or direct pressure... but a parent being forced to go to work (by ideology, need for health care, whatever) is every bit as bad. Hirshman et al. send up a false opposition betweeen obligations to society vs. to family. A really progressive vision of the family will cut through that: raising great kids is one way we help make society a better place. We need social policies that will support that instead of pushing us all into a Darwinian labor market.Jeremy Adam Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-1155114745309950682006-08-09T02:12:00.000-07:002006-08-09T02:12:00.000-07:0020th Century feminism was dictated by a desire to ...20th Century feminism was dictated by a desire to get the "advantages" men enjoyed and women were denied. In this scenario, men were the role models and women were required to try and be more "masculine". <BR/>21st Century feminism should be about defining the individual's role independent of societal and gender expectations.Gatharahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05615274760892257015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-1154735880204461872006-08-04T16:58:00.000-07:002006-08-04T16:58:00.000-07:00Well, for us the issue is resolved: yesterday I ac...Well, for us the issue is resolved: yesterday I accepted a full-time job (as an editor at the Center for the Development of Peace and Well-Being at UC Berkeley). Poof! I'm no longer a stay at home dad and now it's my wife's turn to stay home -- actually, she's still thinking about whether she wants to go back to work. I hope she doesn't; I want her to have time with the boy.<BR/><BR/>I feel...strange about the whole thing. I'll try to blog on it sometime in the next couple of days.Jeremy Adam Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-1154651241470809792006-08-03T17:27:00.000-07:002006-08-03T17:27:00.000-07:00The both parents working can be draining. My expe...The both parents working can be draining. My experience was my husband being a fulltime student and working 4 10-hour graveyard shifts at a 24 hour convenience store/gas station while I was a halftime student and working fulltime days in higher education support services(which provided health insurance and other benifits) and only parttime daycare for our 2 children. We did not have a lot time together and neither of us got anywhere near enough sleep.<BR/><BR/>This was after my husband had spent a year as a SAHD and primary caregiver.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-1154453943451667752006-08-01T10:39:00.000-07:002006-08-01T10:39:00.000-07:00"If health care was something offered to every cit..."If health care was something offered to every citizen, then parents could go for other options, like each parent working part time and sharing childcare responsibilities."<BR/><BR/>You know, my wife and I tried this exact arrangement (she works more hours than I do and is fortunate to have a unionized part-time teaching job that provides full health care) and I must say that it was extremely difficult to maintain. We faced constant time pressure and logistical nightmares of various kinds; but critically, we also just stopped spending any time together as a couple, with me starting work before they were up in the morning and my wife not getting home until just before baby bedtime. The result was constant slow-burning anxiety. <BR/><BR/>This might be a good arrangement for certain couples, but it's not really working for us. My wife is off for the summer; we're evaluating what we're going to do come September and I'm interviewing for jobs. For our family, it might better for one of us to work full-time while the other stays home (although that'll be broken up by two days of preschool, which is a good thing). I'm sort of thinking that maybe it's my wife's turn to stay home.<BR/><BR/>I'm not disagreeing with you, just sharing my experience.Jeremy Adam Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-1154307387655373852006-07-30T17:56:00.000-07:002006-07-30T17:56:00.000-07:00Well said.And in order to move into this next stag...Well said.<BR/><BR/>And in order to move into this next stage, we need to change our institutions. Right now, for example, health care is almost always tied to a full-time job. So parents are faced with the idea that one of them has to work full-time. If health care was something offered to every citizen, then parents could go for other options, like each parent working part time and sharing childcare responsibilities.jo(e)https://www.blogger.com/profile/01488562158252331555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-1154225923541548312006-07-29T19:18:00.000-07:002006-07-29T19:18:00.000-07:00that generation "raised in daycare" was also mostl...that generation "raised in daycare" was also mostly cared for when at home by mothers. As that slowly changed; as more women moved into better paying, more demanding jobs; as job security diminished. This is for the best and prepares us all for parents making the choices that are best for their individual families. Sometimes it will be in the family's best interest for mother to be the primary care giver, sometimes the father, sometimes equitble responsibilities with or without out side help (paid or family). This is all for the good. If only we could get it to come along faster.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com