tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post5649432774962528277..comments2023-11-02T09:08:09.242-07:00Comments on <i>Daddy Dialectic</i>: A Day at the ParkJeremy Adam Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11733669114207985920noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-21471331231983207402012-07-13T18:16:11.666-07:002012-07-13T18:16:11.666-07:00You're not alone and neither am I. You did the...You're not alone and neither am I. You did the right thing in the park, and you don't have to do it perfectly for it to be right. You're not alone, man. People look for anything they can attack and go for it. A guy once kept fowl-mouthing me while I repeated "Ok, continue, are you done now?" and then looked and looked for the "nigger" in me and found nothing he can pick on that was different than he was, except an ever-so-slight non-local accent. So he finally asked "where're you from, (expletive)? where?" so he can have a go at it. Like you I just stood my ground with no fowl language or act but a firm but tense rebuttal, because I thought of my 21-month old daughter. You are not alone. There's a nigger in all of us, waiting to be picked up and picked on by the next sob.Yasser Taimanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-44535578720584712242012-03-27T08:33:10.803-07:002012-03-27T08:33:10.803-07:00I lost it when you wrote, "I lost hope...&quo...I lost it when you wrote, "I lost hope..." Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that you continue writing and parenting the way that you are.Amy Reesenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-52700718477116000822012-03-26T15:32:53.009-07:002012-03-26T15:32:53.009-07:00Only by sharing hard won knowledge will we improve...Only by sharing hard won knowledge will we improve our social world. Well done, sir.Stanleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10376592741131495514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-30109442890223020372012-03-26T15:28:46.908-07:002012-03-26T15:28:46.908-07:00This unfortunately (the racist assumptions we carr...This unfortunately (the racist assumptions we carry), cuts to the core of us all in some degree or fashion, I'm afraid. I know I have struggled with irrational prejudices that I feel diminish who I want to be. However, your experience, so candid and honestly expressed, can only help us. <br /> By examining ourselves and sharing our knowledge, I suspect mostly positive results will follow. Slow change, but better nonetheless.Stanleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10376592741131495514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-33197464991115312322012-02-21T07:24:06.811-08:002012-02-21T07:24:06.811-08:00Absolutely wonderful article. I hope you never hav...Absolutely wonderful article. I hope you never have to experience this again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-2939489772296067302012-02-20T07:00:16.031-08:002012-02-20T07:00:16.031-08:00That's a cute story.....a little too cute. The...That's a cute story.....a little too cute. The "victim" paints himself not only as perfection of parenthood, but also with complete self restraint, all the while reminding us that he has the physical capacity to take out the "assailant", all against the stereotypical backdrop of an inattentive white mother and a raging, musclebound, SUV driving white father.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-74867560154249468492012-02-20T06:58:03.572-08:002012-02-20T06:58:03.572-08:00Sorry - but the story just doesn't sound real....Sorry - but the story just doesn't sound real. At all.<br /><br />The type of interaction is very believable, but the details reek of fiction.<br /><br />Attentive at the playground, doesn't yell at his children, perfectly calm in the midst of unrighteous accusation, says the perfect things to the racist couple to render them speechless, then tenderly wipes the wound of their daughter as they look on dumbfounded...<br /><br />So we're to believe this tattooed, muscular, big black man shows up at the no father park with all the white mamas and nobody noticed him (like he says they usually do) or paid any attention to their kids while he was out in the playground? Then she runs up to the scary guy and calls him the N word?<br /><br />It's straight out of a Hollywood formulaic/stereotypical outrage script. Misunderstood tough guy with big heart deals with hypocritical highbrow people that think they're better but really aren't, cutting them to the quick with the perfect response, leaving them to contemplate the evil in their hearts as he disappears into the sunset. (I also like the irony of the "helicopter parents" that don't pay attention to their kids at the playground).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-78691765020573138052011-08-10T15:17:51.836-07:002011-08-10T15:17:51.836-07:00Oh my gosh. This story gave me shivers, it sounds ...Oh my gosh. This story gave me shivers, it sounds like something that would happen in the Jim Crow south. I CANNOT believe you responded so eloquently, that was so beautiful and mature! I really really hope that they never forget that day.... Who's says that?!?!!?!?Juliana Brittohttp://julianabritto.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-71201206571262606762011-08-09T13:27:26.719-07:002011-08-09T13:27:26.719-07:00I can't type. I'm crying right now. {{HUGG...I can't type. I'm crying right now. {{HUGGING YOU}} I hope they never stop hearing your voice in their heads.Sagehttp://www.amomstruth.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-57684639903167244962011-07-25T16:49:44.206-07:002011-07-25T16:49:44.206-07:00Wonderful piece.Wonderful piece.Simon Hodgsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09928305976933693305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-40515199074627166032011-06-18T05:19:58.362-07:002011-06-18T05:19:58.362-07:00This brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing yo...This brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing your horrifying and hopeful story. And thank you for being a beautiful father.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17266897255341198012noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-61002275084801809062011-06-09T09:48:20.477-07:002011-06-09T09:48:20.477-07:00Thank you for the courage it takes to share a stor...Thank you for the courage it takes to share a story like this. I think you are doing a remarkable job raising your little girl. I've worked in day cares and I had to stop because seeing all the crazy parenting styles made me never want to become one. You sound like the type of parent who would have given me hope during that time that real honest to goodness parents like my father can exist, and that I can be one too. Thank you.Jen Greenhttp://www.customtattoosusa.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-42660802535832431592011-06-08T05:59:46.295-07:002011-06-08T05:59:46.295-07:00What an amazing post. I haven't been by in a w...What an amazing post. I haven't been by in a while, and just, wow.<br /><br />There is one piece of this that *might* get easier as your daughter grows and talks more. She'll call you "daddy," at the park, in front of other people, and then your relationship will be clearer.<br /><br />My wife gave birth to our oldest, and I was always on guard for people assuming I was a nanny or an aunt. She looks nothing like me. I was surprised what a relief it was when she started calling me "Mama," loudly, in public. You might already be there, and it's entirely possible that the race issues (which are huge) will render people deaf, they won't even be able to hear it, but some people might.lynhttp://firsttimesecondtime.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-81929902968101394622011-06-06T06:48:33.977-07:002011-06-06T06:48:33.977-07:00Nice post, good luck.Nice post, good luck.Jeffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09536063159938111304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-73052474571751386032011-06-02T14:55:27.773-07:002011-06-02T14:55:27.773-07:00Shawn, your commitment to being a good man and fat...Shawn, your commitment to being a good man and father shines through this post. As does your vulnerability. Thank you for writing it, and thank you for the experiences behind it. I hope you and your daughter can continue to express yourselves the way you did, crying on that car hood, feeling fear and all those questions between you. Keep writing. Keep leading and loving your daughter.Michaelhttp://crossingintersections.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-56918884600295973072011-06-01T10:04:00.391-07:002011-06-01T10:04:00.391-07:00Thank you for writing this, it really touched me. ...Thank you for writing this, it really touched me. Makes me remember that there's still so much our society needs to work on. You're setting a great example for us all by practicing non-violence and putting your daughter first! Keep being the great dad you are and I look forward to more blogs!Jessicahttp://www.curious-photography.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-66008471113012073212011-05-29T20:49:05.429-07:002011-05-29T20:49:05.429-07:00I can so relate - as a hispanic/german woman who&#...I can so relate - as a hispanic/german woman who's mother to half filipino kids. My son looks nothing like me, and I endure very similar comments living in Texas. Lots are hurtful and very much echo your own experiences. You wrote it out so eloquently.Mariahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04623608355500711443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-44303755388661462762011-05-28T11:18:28.711-07:002011-05-28T11:18:28.711-07:00I'm not a father, I'm a daughter, but I...I'm not a father, I'm a daughter, but I've had to deal with similar situations from the other end of things. I'm about as generically white as one can get, but my dad is very visibly Jewish. We don't look anything alike--I've got pale skin and straight blondish hair; he's got darker skin, brown hair that tends towards the Jewfro style, and he's definitely got the "Jewish nose". My entire life, people have for some reason decided it's perfectly okay to say things like "are you sure she's yours?" to my dad, even with me standing right there. He also took a major role in raising me, something that was even more rare when I was growing up than it is now. I know there were times that he had to have been hurt and frustrated by people's reactions and comments, but he always did an amazing job of not only responding to them with dignity, but also making sure that I knew that he loved me and that other people's thoughts shouldn't matter to me.<br /><br />Long pre-amble aside, it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job with your daughter, despite the difficulties you face due to your gender and the colour of your skin. You worry that your daughter will be affected by the things people say and they way they behave around you, and she probably will, but as someone who's been in a similar situation I can tell you that the opinions and stupidity of strangers barely rate when compared to the love of a father and the time spent with him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-46127281621859894942011-05-28T09:28:06.865-07:002011-05-28T09:28:06.865-07:00Beautiful post...and I firmly believe you handled ...Beautiful post...and I firmly believe you handled the situation EXACTLY as it had to be handled. That idiotic, racist couple were very lucky they encountered YOU and not someone else who had the presence of mind to be objective and direct with them. Maybe (doubtful, but maybe) in the future, they won't be such morons.<br /><br />This entry has been shared, and I am adding you to my blogroll. (With many thanks to Mirror On America for linking you.)Denisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14707857929611126038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-57659396600114696522011-05-28T07:36:07.617-07:002011-05-28T07:36:07.617-07:00Powerfu piece. I often hear women — particularly ...Powerfu piece. I often hear women — particularly black and Latina women — tell stories of being mistaken for the nanny. I had not thought a lot about what this experience is like for black and Latino men. Thank you for sharing so personally. <br /><br />Elaine Ray <br />www.myfathersposts.comElaine Rayhttp://www.myfathersposts.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-17111709062640963182011-05-27T12:53:39.605-07:002011-05-27T12:53:39.605-07:00Wow. That was an incredibly powerful story. Honest...Wow. That was an incredibly powerful story. Honestly, it shames me that we still live in a country where, not only was that reaction not atypical, but the fact that she didn't even regard you as enough of a person to confront you herself and ask you what had happened. Maybe she would have reacted similarly if you had been a white man, but the fact that it's a question is a plague that is eating at the heart of race relations in this country. I feel that the long history of distrust between all racial and ethnic groups has left us buried at an impasse. For all of the strides that have been made toward racial, ethnic, gender, sexual orientation, etc. equality, people only push so hard, and once we've reached a new milestone we plateau. We then see the evil head of -isms poke up again in new and different places than we ever had before. Society can force change upon people all it wants, but until we as people start seeing ourselves and everyone else as individuals, we will be caught in a web of -isms and stereotyping.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02932547748512752260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-21159323692410231112011-05-27T12:26:40.589-07:002011-05-27T12:26:40.589-07:00I applaud you for not stooping to that father'...I applaud you for not stooping to that father's level, and I also admire the love you have for your daughter. I was so moved over here at work, that I too had to shed a few tears. As a "Daddy's Girl," what you just showed your daughter at the day in the park will stick with her forever.Divafied Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07586381418226119567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-77001007717589477472011-05-26T09:42:04.232-07:002011-05-26T09:42:04.232-07:00Shawn,
You are a great father.Shawn,<br />You are a great father.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-7737203625645768472011-05-25T15:58:45.809-07:002011-05-25T15:58:45.809-07:00Amazing piece! As a member of the fatherless tribe...Amazing piece! As a member of the fatherless tribe myself its an amazing opportunity to learn about something I never had. Kudos to you for not beating that guys ass as well. You set a beautiful example for your daughter of true manhood.<br /><br />The story you tell sounds like classic El Cerrito racism to me. So many people in the bay have this arrogant, ignorant belief that racist ignorance doesn't exist in our liberal paradise.<br /><br /> I worked in the area for years and as a sista never went without regular awkward and disturbing experiences such as yours. <br /><br />Great Job.Chanelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14621276082180156156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23363296.post-26843957269596755902011-05-25T13:09:14.799-07:002011-05-25T13:09:14.799-07:00wow, this was so moving. thank you for sharing itwow, this was so moving. thank you for sharing itScientistMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02540317551396323613noreply@blogger.com